I hate you.
I hate you, for so many reasons.
I hate you for hurting me, for destroying my belief system, and for causing me so much emotional anguish and damage.
I hate you for causing me to have low self-esteem and a negative self-image.
I hate you for fucking me up so bad that I can’t have normal relationships.
I hate you for making me cry so much.
I hate you for impacting my life for so many years.
I hate you for leaving everlasting scars, scars that never completely heal.
I hate you for causing me to lose sleep, to have an unfocused attention span, and affecting my ability to concentrate.
I hate you for fucking up my life so much, in ways you can never imagine or believe.
I can’t clearly express how much I fucking hate you, but this is a start.
You will never know or understand the horrible effects that rape causes, how it messes with your mind and your thinking, or the adverse effects it has on your life.
You deserve to feel confusion, fear, anger, anguish, sadness, despair, depression, worthlessness, disrespect, self-loathing, self-hatred, devastation, and a myriad of other fucked up emotions that you have made me feel on a daily basis for the last 30+ years, ever since you destroyed my innocence and fucked up my life forever.
You are a piece of fucking shit who does not deserve to live, yet death would be too good of a punishment.
You deserve to be tortured, slowly and extremely painfully, every moment of every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year of every decade of your life… because this is how being raped affected me.
Note: I outed my rapist back in November 2013.
Then I found out my dad knows my rapist.
That is what prompted me to write this letter to him.