So… NEWSFLASH… I recently found out my dad has been playing pool with my rapist. :O
How?
One of his pool-playing buddies got a get-well card for all the guys to sign, when my dad got sick and ended up in the hospital just before Christmas.
I saw the card. I saw my rapist’s signature on it.
Needless to say, I was FLOORED.
Stunned, beyond belief. :O
I showed my mom the name. Told her who he was. Dad was in the next room. That day, Christmas Eve, I couldn’t say anything to my father about it because I didn’t want him to feel even worse. (He is feeling better now. Still not at 100%, but much better.)
Tonight, I asked my dad about him. Told him who he was.
Told him I fought the guy, protested, screamed NO, etc., when I was taken BY FORCE… when my whole world was ruined.
When I told my dad, he made it out to be like it was MY FAULT, MY CHOICE.
“What were you doing with a 29-year-old when you were 14?”
“Well, you always were wild.”
“Why were you with him in the first place?”
Seriously???
Holy F*CK!!!
I’m, once again, DEVASTATED.
I thought I dealt with all this shit already.
I thought I put this all BEHIND ME.
The Night I Was Raped
The night I was raped, I had gotten into a fight with my dad and decided to run away from home. (That was the FIRST and ONLY time I EVER did that.)
I had nowhere to go. The rapist was a friend of a friend (an older friend of an older friend whom I used to babysit for).
I thought he was an okay guy. I know now HOW WRONG I WAS.
To find out my dad has played about 30 games of pool with that POS (piece of shit) came as a shock. But to have my dad react the way he did came as even more of a shock. Wow.
I don’t know what I expected him to say or do, but it sure wasn’t THAT.
I tried explaining WHY I was “with him” and how that traumatic event changed my life forever… how it made me turn to drugs and drinking, how it made me quit school, how it caused me to become promiscuous, etc., etc. etc.
My dad said he wasn’t even home then. OMG. I told him how I had had a fight with him that night, that he WAS home. (He used to travel a lot for his job, back then.)
I’m really emotional right now. I feel so fu*cked up. I don’t even know WHAT to feel or think at the moment.
I unloaded my feelings on the guy I’m dating. When we first began talking, I warned him I was a mess! The good news is that I feel a bit better. Not a lot, but a bit. At least, now, I have stopped crying.
This is how rape affects people.
This is why talking to others and telling others about it is important.
This is the whole reason for the #MeToo movement, and for the #WeToo movement.
Coming together, showing love and support for one another, comforting one another, and changing the world and our society for the better IS WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT.
Maybe someone who doesn’t know my story will see this.
Maybe it will help them, somehow. Or maybe the letter I wrote to my rapist will.
Maybe.
Hopefully.
Maybe that is why this is happening to me again.
I have no idea.
Things Happen for a Reason
But things happen for a reason, even if we don’t always know why, at the time.
The only reason I think so much has happened to me is so I can help others.
That is why I shared my story in the blog post RAPE DRUGS AND PROSTITUTION – ONE BLOGGER’S JOURNEY TO SUCCESS.
That is why I outed my rapist in my blog post on Wording Well called The “One Lovely Blog” Award (AKA One Smokin’ Hot Blog Award) Gets This Lovely Blogger To Identify Her Rapist: Lorne Chabot.
That is why I write. That Is why I wrote the blog post on Wording Well called Writing Is Therapeutic and Helped Me Cope With Being Raped.
That is why I wrote the book, FROM NOPE TO HOPE.
I am, after all, doing quite well in my life now. I am living proof that life can be better, and does get better, if you want it to, if you make efforts to make it better, if you use strategies and techniques to cope, if you put in the work, and if you have a desire to live your best life and be the best version of yourself you can possibly be.
At this point, overall, in my life, I am the happiest I have ever been.
Okay, not at this exact moment, given these recent events. But overall.
And I DO feel a bit better now, after writing this. I also feel better because I wrote a letter to my rapist.
What a way to end the year, huh? 😉
Here’s to a better year ahead. Cheers to a better year ahead.
I’m not looking in the past. I’m not going that way.
I’m going to continue moving forward. Step by step.
And slay anyone who gets in my way…
Including my dad.
You are right, discussing rape and other topics like that is depressing; and you are absolutely right to say things like this need to be talked about. There are a lot of people out there suffering alone, without hope; not knowing who to turn too.
The best we can do, in my opinion, is start that conversation in a mature way; the people who are evil are counting on our silence to keep their victims hidden.
We all should have this kind of conversation with the people we know, and kids if you have any.
We will not see the shadows around us with our head in the ground. Healing can start when we all stop acting like everything is just fine; it’s not.
Thank you for sharing your cut wrenching, but inspirational story Lorraine! I know you are helping someone out there trying to cope.
Kevin, one of the problems is that women are afraid to speak up. There are many reasons for that. They fear being blamed and told it’s their fault. They fear the backlash from people who don’t believe them. They fear that opening up will just make things worse. They fear that sharing will cause them trouble in their own relationships. The list just goes on and on.
I’ve been dealing with this for 33 years now. I thought I was done. I thought I had healed. Apparently, I was wrong.
I now have other issues to deal with, which I didn’t yet… so I am trying now.
The effects of rape are everlasting. The scars never go away.
I wrote a letter to my rapist, in my attempts to share more of how I feel.
I hate dealing with this all over again, but if it helps ONE person out their begin their healing journey, then it’s worth it.
You are right, there are a number of social psychology principles in use by both sides in a case: the rapist and the victim’s family and friends.
Psychology to manipulate, biases, stereotyping, all kinds of things. Though I try to empathize, there are so many aspects about this kind of situation and about the recovery I do not know about.
That’s why I think it’s so important about the work you are doing. It will help people talk about these kinds of situations. I know you will help inspire someone to make spiritual change to seek healing and recovery.
Statistically, it’s unlikely you may never know when you have helped someone; but I believe the work you are doing is going to help someone. I am sorry to hear that there are symptoms that are sometimes still ongoing; I can relate in some ways. I know your work will help bring at least some comfort; and I truly feel the conversation you start will help people come to terms with some of the things they are dealing with.
I love what you are doing and I hope you continue your work; you will help others find some healing and freedom for themselves.
Thank you Lorraine ! I say keep the conversation going; I support you and I support your work.
Kevin, I appreciate all of your comments and kind words.
I know I have helped a lot of people already, because many have told me so. Undoubtedly, there are many more that I have helped and, chances are, I will never hear from any of them. But that’s okay. As long as I am helping others, my job is done.
I have been healing for 30+ years. Apparently, I still have a few wounds that need mending. I’m working on that now.
Sigh.
These topics are never easy to discuss. That is why most cases of rape go unreported. It’s a shame, too, because most rapists end up getting away with their crimes.
More people NEED to speak up!