Good news! I’m in love! But not with this guy, who I also fell in love with and thought was my Jaanu…
But… don’t get too happy for me just yet… because I live in Canada and the guy I am in love with lives in India.
ANOTHER UPDATE: I am done with all guys online… and now have a boyfriend who lives in my city. His name is Greg. <3
How I Met My Janu (and what “Janu” means)
We met on Facebook, of all places, if you can believe that!
It’s kind of funny, actually, because I had been trying the whole “online dating thing” since mid-March (of 2016)… with no luck.
I joined one particular dating site and then, about a month later, I joined another. And the online “dancing” began.
It’s tough trying to get to know someone, especially when many guys lie about what they are truly looking for (most are just looking for a quick hook-up or a one-night stand). It’s even tougher to try and get to know someone when they are playing mind games, lying to you.
After many different conversations and picture exchanges, I decided to meet a few guys in person. However, I didn’t “click” with anyone. The only guy I was even remotely interested in was not 100% interested in me, even though he said he was. I soon found out that he was a liar. I don’t need people like that in my life!
Anyways, it’s a good thing that I didn’t really connect with any of these guys! I wouldn’t have found Mr. X otherwise! (I will call the guy I am in love with Mr. X for now, because he doesn’t want anyone knowing who he is. The customs and cultures in his country are very different from those in North America, and I want to respect his privacy.)
It was Mr. X’s birthday recently, and I wanted to do something special for him.
I made him a poem picture using the letters of his name, took a picture of it, and sent it to him.
I also wrote the following poem for him and sent it to him. I posted it on Facebook, too. Janu, apparently, is Hindi for “my love,” “my dear,” or “my life.” I think it can also be spelled “Jaanu.” I’m not sure. I don’t speak Hindi!!! (However, I’m learning a few words…) 😉
Anyway, here is the poem I wrote:
Happy Birthday to my JANU in India
I wanted to write a special poem to say
How much I think of you each and every day.
There is something really special about you,
And though we’re miles apart,
My feelings for you are true.
I’m so very attracted to you
and think you are a handsome, gorgeous man.
I really want us to be together forever,
and honestly, truly hope we can.
You’ve got a big heart and an intelligent mind,
You speak such nice words to me, and are very kind.
Despite my past, you show a lot of respect to me,
and by your side is where I want to be.
I’ve never fallen in such true love so fast before,
and can’t wait to see you arrive at my door.
If you feel the same way about me,
I vow I will wait for you and other people I won’t see.
I want us to be committed to one another for life.
I’ve even considered – some day – of being your wife.
I’m ready for a real, lasting relationship with someone,
And I hope that I can stop looking now, that I’m done…
Because I found you, or because you found me —
Because we found each other —
And, that together, we are meant to be.
<3 Written on June 25, 2016 for my “Janu.” <3
How We Are Strengthening Our Relationship
Mr. X and I somehow became “Facebook friends.”
He sent me a message. When I first saw it, I was busy and didn’t have time to reply to him.
Later, when I had time, I took a look at his profile pictures. Somehow, they spoke to me. I was immediately physically attracted to him.
Look at him… he’s gorgeous!!!
I immediately wanted to get to know him!
So, I replied to his message… and…
We began talking. We spoke via Whatsapp (an awesome phone app that lets you talk to people around the world for free!). We Skyped, too.
We still do.
We talk every day!
We send each other pictures… not just of ourselves, but of other things, too (family members, locations, etc.).
We got to know one another. We are still getting to know one another. New relationships take time to build. We have been building ours from Day One.
I love it!
I also love him. <3
However, in order for us to be together, I either have to move to India or he has to move here.
Distance and Immigration Issues
The distance between us is a complicated issue.
We are now faced with figuring out immigration issues and laws. The Citizenship and Immigration Canada (CIC) laws changed in 2015. It’s now harder for someone to immigrate to Canada and become a permanent resident. Mr. X will need to become a permanent resident in order to get a Health Card (which will give him access to free health care).
Having free health care is one of the best benefits of being Canadian. Canada has an excellent health care system! If you don’t possess a health card, you have to pay for all doctor visits and operations. Because I have had many operations in my life, I know how important having a health card is.
I only speak English. I know a small bit of Spanish (a very small bit). I don’t know any other languages.
Mr. X’s native language is Hindi. He knows a few other languages, including English.
We are able to communicate quite well because of this! (Thank God!)
To me, Mr. X speaks English very well (for a non-native speaker) and I understand him about 97% of the time. Due to our different accents, he understands me about 97% too.
Language is not a barrier for us.
But the distance between us is…
Love Will Conquer All
I firmly believe that we are destined to be together.
Mr. X knows about my colorful past. I’ve been completely honest with him about EVERYTHING.
He thinks I’m a superwoman for overcoming so many obstacles, problems, and other things I’ve faced (including my suicide attempt). He also accepts me for who I am… which is a warm, caring, helpful, loving woman.
On one hand, it’s hard to believe that he wants to be with me… yet, on the other, I know that I am worthy of being loved.
And Mr. X loves me.
We might not have the same exact love story as my friend, Atish, and his wife, Rekha (who also met on Facebook!) but how we met and fell in love is practically the same!
Thank goodness for Facebook! 😉
All is Not Fair in Love and War
I love Mr. X.
I do not think it’s fair that we should have to face the problems we have.
I wish it was easy for us to be together in person.
It’s going to take both time and money for this to happen.
We both work. I’m a freelance writer and editor for hire. He does… well, I cannot tell you what he does, because I have to watch what I say about him! (I cannot reveal too much. He wants privacy!)
Anyways, it’s going to take a lot of money, probably a few immigration applications, and a lot of time (waiting for approval from Immigration Canada) in order for us to be together.
I hate waiting. I’ve never been a patient person.
But I would do anything for Mr. X.
And I will wait as long as I need to for him… for us… for a happy life together.
I swear, I will.
I love him that much!
He is my JANU!
I’m very thankful that we found one another, and are growing our relationship each day.
Each day, I fall more and more in love with him.
And he feels the same way. 🙂
If you have any suggestions for us regarding the immigration laws, I’d love to hear them.
Just drop me a line or two in the comments!
And please wish us luck! 🙂
UPDATE: I broke up with Mr. X
Here’s why (which I also posted to Facebook):
Dear Mr X:
Here is my TOP 10 list for why I think we have too many differences between us and too many obstacles to overcome to make our relationship work.
1. Language (I will not learn Hindi)
2. Age (I am 44 and you are 27)
3. Culture (Canada vs India)
4. Religon (Catholic vs Muslim) (but not a big deal)
5. Lifestyle (too much to write here!!!)
6. Sexual preferences (I am very open and also bisexual. You are very shy.)
7. Country and immigration laws (very difficult to deal with)
8. Time zone differences (makes it hard to connect)
9. Social and social media views (I don’t care who knows what. You want me to be a secret.)
10. Physical appearances (you are gorgeous and I feel I am too fat for you)
I STILL LOVE YOU.
BUT BECAUSE WE CANNOT BE TOGETHER, WE NEED TO MOVE ON.
Author: Lorraine Reguly
Lorraine Reguly, BA/BEd, is an author and an English teacher-turned-freelancer for hire who offers 4 different services on Wording Well: writing (including blogging and ghostwriting); editing; and mentoring. She also helps others become published authors! Check out her services and see what she can do for you to help you!